


Santana Feels Safe

by GettingThere



Series: Santana & Brittany [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Afraid of a spanking, Comfort, Consent Issues, Domestic Discipline, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Safety, Emotional confessions, F/F, Fear of Abandonment, Fluff, Hugs, Implied C-PTSD, Inner Child, Love, No Sex, Over the Knee, Paddling, Partial Nudity, Safety, Spanking, Temporary Age Regression, maintenance spanking, mouth soaping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GettingThere/pseuds/GettingThere
Summary: Brittany helps Santana feel safe in their marriage.
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Series: Santana & Brittany [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818097
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

For almost two months, Brittany had been giving her wife weekly maintenance spankings. Every Saturday night, the thick lexan paddle came off its hook on the wall, and Santana was hit on her bare bum 30 times. And every week, Santana was polite, helpful, and considerate of other people’s feelings.

Brittany was happy to see her wife being kinder to her friends and coworkers, but she also noticed that Santana was quieter and insisted on doing more than her fair share of the housework. When Brittany tried to talk to Santana about what was going on, Santana always denied that something was wrong. And whenever Brittany checked in with Santana about consent, her wife insisted that she wanted to be spanked.

So this Saturday night, Brittany took the paddle off the wall and sat in her usual spot on the living room sofa.

“Okay San, it’s time for your maintenance spanking. Are you sure you still want to have one?”

Santana nodded.

“Okay then, get over my knee. Remember, you can safe word at any time.”

Santana pulled down her panties, lifted her dress and assumed the position on Brittany’s lap. Then Brittany noticed that Santana was trembling.

Brittany decided not to touch her wife’s bum and instead stroked Santana’s long, dark hair. “What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?”

“Would... would you be mad?”

“No, of course not.” Brittany put the paddle on the floor and pulled Santana’s underwear and dress back into place. “Come sit next to me.”

Santana slowly got up and sat beside Brittany, but kept her eyes down.

“You never have to have a spanking if you don’t want one. The reason I spank you is because you asked me to. If that isn’t what you want anymore, we can stop anytime.”

Brittany reached over to put her arm around Santana, but when she touched her shoulder, Santana flinched.

“Do you not want to be touched?”

Santana shook her head.

“Okay, would you like me to make you some tea?”

“Yes, please.”

As Brittany boiled the kettle, Santana went to the bedroom to change. When she came back to the living room, she had a big sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants on. Then she sat in the easy chair and played a game on her phone until Brittany came in with two mugs of tea.

“Thank you,” Santana said when her wife handed her her mug.

Brittany sat down in her regular place on the sofa and put her tea on the coffee table. “Are you ready to talk about what happened?”

Santana nodded.

“Would you like to start, or would you like me to start?”

Santana took a sip and then put her mug on the end table. “You can go first.”

“Okay. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel safe today. I’m worried that you haven’t been feeling safe for a while. Is that true?”

Santana nodded.

“I’m so sorry. Can you tell me when you started feeling unsafe?”

“Um... when... when you put soap in my mouth.”

“I’m sorry, San. I promise I’ll never put soap in your mouth again. Are there other things that’ve made you feel unsafe?”

Santana pointed to the paddle that was still lying on the living room floor. “The, um... the paddle. I don’t like it anymore.”

“Okay, we never have to use that again.” Brittany got up, took the paddle to the kitchen, and put it in the garbage before returning to the sofa.

“I hope that helps you feel a little safer. Is there anything else I can do to help you feel more safe?”

Santana nodded. “I... I want to be a good girl, but it hurts...”

“What hurts?”

“When you hit me.”

“San, I think we need to take a break from spankings. If I stopped spanking you, would you feel safer at home?”

Santana nodded and a tear slid down her cheek. “But I want to be good! I don’t want you to be mad at me!” Brittany watched as her wife hugged her knees to her chest.

“Sweetie, are you feeling, um... younger than you really are?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Can we still talk about how you’re feeling?”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay. Um... can you tell me why you asked me to spank you more often?”

“Because it’s scary when you’re mad.”

“So... you thought that if I spanked you every week, then I wouldn’t get mad anymore?”

“Because I’m being good.”

“So you wanted me to spank you enough to make you behave, so that I wouldn’t get mad at you?”

“Ya.”

“Because you feel scared when I get mad.”

“Ya.”

“Why is it so scary when I get upset with you?”

“Because you’ll go away.”

“San, I’m never gonna go away.” Brittany got down on her knees in front of Santana, but didn’t touch her. “I love you, and that means I’m always going to be with you.”

“Even when you’re mad?”

“Even if I get mad sometimes, I will always love you. And I don’t need to spank you to get over feeling mad. We can talk it out if that’s what you’d like to do.”

“But when you spank me, you hug me after.”

“Sweetie, you can have a hug whenever you want one. All you have to do is ask.”

“Can I have a hug now?”

“Of course you can!” Brittany stood up, opened her arms wide, and waited for her wife to embrace her. It took Santana a moment, but she eventually stood and hugged Brittany tightly.

“Britt?”

“Ya?”

“When you hug me, I feel safe.”

Brittany smiled and wrapped her arms around Santana even tighter.


	2. Chapter 2

After a long night of holding Santana and comforting her until she fell asleep, Brittany woke up and made her signature Sunday breakfast of omelettes and breakfast potatoes. As she put the food on the table, Santana walked into the kitchen.

“Good morning!” Brittany said. “I made us some breakfast.”

“Yum! But first, coffee...”

Brittany handed Santana a hot cup of coffee. “Already made.”

Santana kissed her wife on the cheek. “I knew I married you for a reason.” 

“So how are you feeling this morning?” Brittany asked as the two women sat down at the kitchen table.

“Good! How ‘bout you?”

“Um, I’m actually feeling pretty bad about what happened yesterday.”

“Uh huh...” Santana took a sip of coffee.

“Do you think maybe we could talk about it? Sometime today?”

“I don’t really see the point.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“You told me you were fine for weeks and then yesterday happened.”

“Britt, there’s nothing to discuss. You threw the thing out. Problem solved.”

“I know, but...”

“Look, a lot of weird shit happened yesterday. Let’s just forget about it and move on.” Santana put a forkful of omelette in her mouth and took out her phone.

Brittany pushed some food around on her plate. “Isn’t that something your mother used to say? After she did something that hurt you?”

Santana put her phone down. “What are you saying? That I did something that hurt you?”

“No, I’m saying the opposite. Yesterday, you didn’t feel good, so now you’re trying to forget it like your mother taught you to.”

“What do you want me to say? That I still feel scared?”

“If that’s true, then I want to hear it.”

“Well it’s not.” Santana picked up her phone again.

“Just tell me one thing. Why did you want to get a lexan paddle in the first place? Why did you suddenly want me to spank you every time I didn’t like the way you were acting?”

“I told you. Because I’m maturing and I want to be a better person.”

“There are lots of ways you can try to be a better person that don’t involve me hitting you.”

Santana put her phone back down. “Fine. You want to know the real reason?”

“Yes!”

“Because of a stupid fight I had with my mother.”

“When?”

“A few months ago.”

“How come you never told me about it?”

“Because I didn’t really want to tell you that my mother doesn’t understand how someone as nice as you can stay married to a bitch like me.”

“San, I’m so sorry...”

“Ya, well it’s true, isn’t it? I’m the bitch and you’re the saint. That’s the way it’s always been.”

“That’s not true.”

“Like hell it isn’t! Why the fuck do you stay with me anyway? You’re so kind and loving, and I’m just a fucked up, rage addicted asshole.”

Brittany shook her head. “San, I love you. I love you because you make me feel safe and protected. You always make me feel like I don’t have to take anyone’s bullshit. Like I should stand up for myself. I love you and there’s nothing that’s ever going to change that.”

“I just...” Santana paused. “I just wanted be a better person. And I thought if you were the one making sure I behaved then maybe it’d stick.”

“I can hold you accountable for your behaviour without hitting you. Is that the kind of dynamic you want in our relationship?”

Santana paused. “I think so.”

“Okay. But I need you to know that I want to help you because I love you. Because I already know you’re an amazing person.” Brittany reached across the table and squeezed her wife’s hand.

“If we did do this whole ‘holding me accountable’ thing, what would the punishments look like?”

“There doesn’t have to be punishments. I can just give you rewards when you do something nice for someone – other than me.”

“I don’t think that’d work.”

“Why not?”

“It sounds too hippy dippy. If I just get rewards, there are no consequences.”

“Okay, so you want consequences. But that doesn’t mean they have to be punishments.”

“Um... what?”

“Instead of hurting you, I can just take away something you like. Like your coffee in the morning.”

“Britt, you can’t take away coffee.”

“Okay. It doesn’t have to be coffee. It can be something else. We can talk about it and figure out what feels right for you.”

“But if you’re always thinking, ‘Oh, what does San want? What does San need?’ then how am I gonna to learn anything?”

“Uh... how could you learn anything if I forgot about your wants and needs? If I did that, it wouldn’t be teaching. It would just be hurting.”

Santana was silent for a moment. “I guess that’s what my mom did when I was growing up. ‘Cause she didn’t give a shit about what I needed.”

Brittany sighed. “Have you ever thought about talking to someone about your mom? Like, someone other than me?”

“You mean like a professional?”

“Ya.”

“I don’t think I need that.”

“Even if you don’t need it exactly, do you think it could help?”

“Therapy isn’t going to change the past.”

“No, but it could help you be kinder to yourself.”

Santana thought for a moment. “Okay. Okay, I’ll call some places tomorrow.”

“Don’t just do it for me though. Do it because you want to.”

“I think I want to... It’s just hard to do something for myself, you know? Because I don’t feel like I deserve it.” Santana quickly wiped a tear from her eye.

“Everyone deserves it. Just being alive means you deserve to do things for yourself, whatever that looks like for you.”

Santana wiped tears off her cheeks. “Anyway... what are my consequences going to be? No wine? No tv?”

“Those could be some. But what about your rewards? What do you want those to be?”

“I don’t know. Chocolate? New clothes?”

“Those sound good.”

“Just... for the consequences... could you please not put soap in my mouth? It really scares me.”

Brittany reached for Santana’s hand. “Sweetie, I’m never, ever going to do that again. I’m so sorry I did.”

Santana’s eyes welled up. “I just feel dumb for saying it would be okay and then taking it back. But I didn’t know it would make me freak out.”

“Just because you consented to something once doesn’t mean you have to keep consenting to it. You can safe word at any time. If you don’t like something anymore, you can always tell me to stop.”

Santana squeezed Brittany’s hand. “Thank you. Thank you for being amazing.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m your wife. I love you.”

The two women got up from the table and held each other. “I love you, too.”


End file.
